commentary part 8
|Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him|
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
And fall in His arms, and the tears will fall down and she'll pray
You're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything, everything
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
It's been so long since I have met You here
Since I have said these words and cried these tears
And You answer, "My child, I love you,
And as long as you're seeking My face,
You'll walk in the power of My daily, sufficient grace."
You're the only one who understands
You're the only one who knows me
Yet still loves completely
|I have this strange habit whenever I hear a bad rumor going around. I get angry and frustrated and annoyed and sad. And I cling to this belief that maybe, maybe if I knew the truth, I wouldn’t be as mad as I am and that the truth won’t be as bad as it may seem.|
Lately, coming to know the truth seems to exacerbate things. Nothing feels better. Anger becomes white, hot flames that burn too fiercely for words. Frustration and annoyance becomes pacing around in circles, fighting every ounce of me to use physical contact. And sadness becomes song lyrics that leave me standing speechless in tears, whereas it only left a dull ache in my chest a week ago.
The truth is supposed to set a person free. And with this idea of freedom, I got a sense of feeling unconfined, unrestricted…without sadness. I envisioned a person running, arms held high, through a field with no hindrances.
Yet, standing with the truth now, I feel mixed. Seeing light, perfect light refocuses my eyes and gathers my wandering heart. All the while, I collect the pieces of myself that have come undone while I was ambling in the dark.
The truth makes a person face everything and leaves room for nothing. With truth comes knowledge, wisdom. And the faintest traces of hope. Subtle, but it's there. The truth is a heavy burden to bear. So heavy that it almost makes me want to have been left in ignorance. Almost.
|You are the love of my life. |
Once again for the very first time, my eyes are opening.
You break me and mend me and whisper to me that I will survive this.
That You are with me.
That You were, are, and will always be in control.
Even as I feel the hidden cracks and plastered flaws slowly come apart, You are the faithful carpenter, the precious cornerstone, my firm foundation.
And You will restore me.
May Your perfect will continue to unfold.
May Your words be my words, Your thoughts, my thoughts.
May I run after You all of my days that I may dwell in Your house.
That You and Your house may be all I think and dream of.
Let me never, ever settle for less than what is from You.
You are my Savior, my God, my source of life and the reason I am on this journey home.
I'm so sorry that you have to hurt me so bad to have me come back to You.