sometimes i lie awake in my bed at night dwelling upon my need for you. i whisper musings and confess secrets and these words rise and fall upon more than just the air.
however, it took me a while to realize that solitude did not necessarily correlate with this acknowledgment of us. i am frequently dozing out of conversations with friends when i find myself needing you.
and i realize that my need — the sheer magnitude of my need, the depth of my need, the greatness with which i need — runs like an current under my skin as if it is an instinctual response to the fact that i breathe.
sometimes i think that it is a response to the understanding that you know me, every bit of me. this kind of vulnerability and familiarity is still so difficult for me to understand, and i find myself falling into you frightened and comforted.
and sometimes i fear that you will consume me and i will be swallowed up by giving into the incredible voracity of my need. my weariness overtakes me and i contemplate the great cost of bringing all my neediness to you. it will cost me everything, i know, and everything of me is not much to offer anyways.
but still i need you and still you keep me.
20 May 2013
Posted by Eunice Chung at 11:29 PM